


A Shame

by HiraKiaShi



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: M/M, This is trash, Young Xehanort - Freeform, but i put way too much time on ot to simply let it collect dust, other orginization members
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 20:17:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17351903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiraKiaShi/pseuds/HiraKiaShi
Summary: Xigbar is the right hand man of the new orginization. He has been there since the beginning, but this does not mean his loyalty to Xehanort is unwavering. As he seeks ways to obtain a keyblade in his own way, but finds that a keyblade is more than a weapon, but a materialization of what the heart desires.Myde is free from Orginization XIII, but that doesn't mean he is free from Xehanort. With emotions and a new heart, He thought that nobodies and a life of nothingness was behind him. But a longing within him keeps his mind and thoughts ever wandering. Something is calling to him, and he isn't sure if he wants to know who or what is is.





	1. The musing of the Cursed

**Author's Note:**

> I told myself i would post this before Kingdom Hearts 3 came out and if i don't do it now i won't at all.  
> This is the idea that everyone who is Norted is not a nobody, but has a heart.  
> These hearts can be small or weak, depending on how much they let their emotions control their actions. This is harder than it seems. Since Xehanort is apat of every single vessel, his possession surpresses the heart. Giving them blank personalties similar to Xehanort's.  
> So long as Xehanort keeps his clutches tight, they will be like pawns.  
> Some hearts, like Xigbar's are a bit stronger than that. Their personalties still shine through despite possession, and can sometimes overcome the possession temporarily. 
> 
> This is just an idea I had and ended up spending alot of time on so i might as well post it ya know?
> 
> Note that this was written before Demyx was a confirmed vessel sooooo...

Of all of the vessels that Xehanort had collected over the years of his conquest, Xigbar had one of the strongest hearts he had ever witnessed. The man would not even have become a vessel of Darkness if he had not done so in such a willing manner. The promise of a Keyblade was Xehanort’s only temptation for Xigbar, and the other eagerly agreed. Despite the carnage he would witness, and the mauling he would receive, the promise of a keyblade made him shrug off these complaints.   
Brag’s heart was like Terra’s in more ways Xehanort will let Xigbar know. The boy’s Lingering Will carried on despite his heart and body succumbing to Xehanort’s control. Aqua and her continual resistance to darkness, she still gave in as well.   
But Braig. He surrendered so willingly. It was unexpected sure, and he was most definitely annoyed with how he was turned into a nobody and vessel without so much as a warning, but Xigbar still accepted it. 

However, Xigbar was just as interesting as a Nobody as he was a human. He was one of the first that grew a heart. It was unclear as to how this was so. Xehanort felt it might be since Xigbar was one of the first to become a Nobody. Still, it was a strong heart. Stronger than most of the others. 

Except for Roxas and the heart he had, but there is no doubt it had something to do with Sora and Ventus both partially his somebodies. His ability to wield two Keyblades with no effort was undeniable evidence.   
Axel and other members had grown one as well, the redhead having an exceptionally powerful one as well. Xehanort was intrigued with his, because he only seemed to begin to grow one shortly after Roxas was brought into the organization. It was almost as if he accepted his role as a Nobody and had no true motives. A heart strives off dreams and aspirations it seemed. It was too bad Xemnas was unable to investigate this more, since the redhead had practically kamikazed himself to save Sora before he returned. 

A shame, really, the stronger the heart, the stronger the owner.   
Saix, Luxlord, Larxene, and Marluxia all grew hearts as well. Slowly. 

They were weak hearts and easily subdued.  
The pitiful entities seemed to cower and allowed Xehanort’s possession over them like it was almost welcomed. The weak hearts seemed to hide, like they didn’t really exist. Like they didn’t want to exist. But they did, oddly enough. Xehanort would have assumed the hearts would have been lost to oblivion, but that did not seem so.  
Lea retained the memories of Roxas, and the others remembers their pasts as well, even if they try to suppress them.   
Not all of the organization members returned as willingly as others. Some, like Larxene and Xigbar, had no home to return to. Her world was lost in darkness, and Braig would not have been welcomed back to Radiant Garden. Other’s came back after time. Since their nobody hearts seemed to retain after becoming human again, Xehanort’s heart and it’s hold over them remained.   
They were like sheep. 

Xehanort let out a long sigh and leaned back from the many reports he had found from his past studies.   
“If only i had the time to look into this further,” he mused to himself, “I no longer have the time. Everything for the Keyblade War is almost to be in alignment.” Xehanort shook his head.   
There was so much he wanted to do. Despite him prolonging his life and time here, it would not be long, and his old heart would finally give way and turn to dust. He wished to learn more about the complexities of heartless and nobodies. How could a creature with no heart grow one like it was a seed, and how the Nobodies heart and the realignment of the original heart came to be. Everything was leading to more questions, and he can only hope someone else will continue his studies after he disappears. He no longer had to time to solve these questions. 

“I mustn't distract myself with trivial things any longer.”

So Xehanort pushed, pushed, and drowned the pitiful hearts with his influence. Sometimes, they would resist, coming up to breathe anything other than darkness, to look through eyes that were not golden, but their own eyes.   
It was in these moments that Xehanort could see the nobodies’ personalities.  
He was quick to drag them back under shortly after.

Some of the hearts held their ground better than the others. Pushing back when Xehanort had to once again drown them in his darkness. Saix’s heart may sometimes withstand, not quite pushing Xehanort away, just keeping his grip at bay for a moment longer, but will always ultimately give in once more. The boy and his new heart held a deep and unwavering sense of loyalty, but sometimes after a confrontation with Lea left Saix conflicted, Xehanort had to remind him where his loyalties were now. Isa was no more. 

As the hearts plunged back into darkness, soft green eyes to soft blues and chestnut browns bleeding back to gold, and a lost and broken face turning back to cold and unwavering. Xehanort would sigh in relief when this happens. They were back in line. 

Xigbar, however, always made it the most difficult for Xehanort.  
They would push against each other for an extended amount of time, and sometimes push so much that it would affect Xigbar in a way that none of the other nobodies would. The inner battles would leave the younger man weak and lethargic until the heart was brought under, or he would be brash and snarky towards his leader until Xehanort would strike at the heart to shut up the man.   
Sometimes, the heart would strike back.   
Xigbar never remembers when those occasions happen, and Xehanort will keep it that way. It’s best to leave the one-eyed man oblivious over how much power he truly does have against his superior. He doesn’t need Xigbar to know just how much control his heart really has. Or how weak these occurrences left Xehanort. 

Subduing a few weak hearts was nothing to the Master, but on top of the resistances of Saix and a few others, Xehanort found Xigbar’s heart a nightmare to drown when it would break free from his old.  
And when it inhaled the taste of temporary freedom, it screamed for a battle. It showed it subtle ways at first, then became more over time. Xigbar would get agitated over something that most of the other members would merely find an annoyance, but instead of brushing it off, Xigbar snapped back, he would fight Xemnas or the other incarnations, or go against direct   
His heart was much harder to suppress at these times.

Still so deep in his musing, Xehanort hardly noticed Xigbar enter his study. 

“It’s a damn shame,” Xigbar sighed, pulling the master of darkness from his silence. His posture was laid back, but his shoulders were stiff. Something has pissed him off.   
The old man could feel Xigbar’s heart pull itself from under his influence slowly.   
What a headache. Xigbar leaned against the doorframe of his study, which was just a small, abandoned room from the remains of Castle Oblivion.   
Their entire base was simply the remains of the Castle that Never Was. It was small, and the stark white had turned into an off white and grayish black.  
It became their second home in a way, much to Xehanort’s disdain.   
With a sense of having a home, a heart can grow.  
Another headache that Xehanort really has no time to worry about. 

“What is the point of your grievance this time?” He gave a wry smile, but could be taken as a clear warning as, ‘Do not overstep your boundaries.’

The warning was hardly acknowledged, unsurprising with his second in command.   
“That the dumb brat from my home world would end up possessing a Keyblade before me.” Xigbar smirked, there was too much teeth for it to be friendly. There was an underlying sense of malice. 

“You understand why I will not allow you to wield one yet.” Xehanort spoke firmly, this was not to be a debate. 

“Oh, cut the bullshit!” Xigbar barked back.  
There was a loud thud, but this old body did not flinch. If anything, Xehanort wanted to roll his eyes. Only children punched holes in the wall.  
Only parents roll their eyes at such insolent behavior. He closed his and took a deep breath. 

“I know why you won’t teach me! You think that I might take over your whole operation! Just like Marluxia tried to do!”

“Marluxia has proven himself to have repented his traitorous ways. However, I would be lacking honesty if I did not say the thought has crossed my mind.”

“Bah! You’re a paranoid-”

“I’m more concerned of you leaving altogether,” Xehanort glared. He pulled himself to his feet, not allowing himself to be looked down upon. He glared at his pupil. This was such insolent behavior.  
Xehanort was much too exhausted to try to force Xigbar’s heart into a slumber now, but he had another way to prevent this from escalating for now.

“My boy, you are my direct pupil to the Keyblade I wield. I promised you this back far before you became a nobody. You have sworn your loyalties to me time and time again.   
“However, I know you found something you never experienced before at Radiant Gardens, in the organization. Something that I know that weak heart of yours can’t seem to let go.”   
Xehanort smirked when Xigbar visibly winced at the statement.

“Ironic really,” the old man sneered, “That, of all people, you would find something here that nobodies generally had taken from them at their creation.” He took a moment to marvel the walls and ceilings surrounding them. The very walls that private intimacies were had, where hearts were grown right behind Xemnas’ back.   
“I wonder if he’s still out there, now that his nobody has been destroyed. Surly he wouldn’t be hard to find.”

 

“You wouldn’t dare go after him,” Xigbar growled.

“Oh, but I could. Very easily, in fact,” he summoned his old keyblade to prove his point. He smirked as Xigbar took a step back. The Ancient and other similar keyblades has scarred Xigbar in one way or another.

“All it takes is a small, sentimental memory of him from your wretched heart, and, with a keyblade to guide the way, I could appear right in front of him. Now, with me in possession of your heart, I already possess what sentiment I might need to find him.”

The old man held out his keyblade, and a swirling light began to blossom from its end. 

It wasn’t necessarily a portal, but a minor threat to create one.   
Still, Xigbar did not know this bluff. He lunged forward in anger. 

A strong hand, one stronger than his own now, grabbed the teeth of the keyblade and jerked it aside. The spell dispersing and fading, Xigbar yelled in pain at this foolish action.   
Xigbar’s eyes furrowed in pain, a pained shout ripping through his vocal chords, and he crumpled to the dusty floor, clutching his hand that knocked the keyblade aside. Xehanort looked down at the crumpled man with hidden surprise. The old man chuckled.

“You hold so much potential, Xigbar. Being able to deflect even the most simplest spell with only your will is a great feat. A fearless action, if not somewhat foolish. 

“If I were to give you the right to any Keyblade. You cannot deny that you would find him in a heartbeat. I know the yearnings of the heart. Better than I will care to admit. Your yearning is no longer for power, but something less real.”

Xehanort couldn’t help but think of dark hair and tanned skin for a moment, of a companion from his past that was still a painful burden. 

“I have killed my distractions, and if I find any of you with one, I will be sure to put an end to it. The seekers of light are almost all assigned yet we are still missing a few seekers of our own. I need you focused here for when we do.”

Xigbar looked down in shame and defeat. The pulsing in his palm was hardly bearable, and he felt he could hardly breathe, but he nodded in agreement.

“I won’t let myself stray again,” he grated out.

“Good, I’ll keep my end of the bargain then, when the time is right.”

He left the room, ignoring Xigbar's ‘tch” of annoyance. He is one of his most vital pieces to all of this. He had nearly all of his vessels ready, but some, like Saix, seemed to be swaying.

The last thing he needed was his right hand to run away for a distraction.  
Maybe it would be his best intentions to do away with Xigbar’s infatuation, as he did his own.

No, Xehanort feared that if he did so himself, Xigbar’s heart would rear its head with a need for vengeance, and he was not so sure if he could hold down such a powerful emotion such as loss.


	2. The youth from the past enlightens all

Xigbar glared closely at his hand, a dark burn was left across his left palm where he knocked Xehanort’s Keyblade aside hardly an hour ago. A stupid move on his part, but he remembered how the man threatened getting rid of Demyx. 

Not just Demyx, who was already gone, but his somebody.   
Demyx had a second chance at life, he was not possessed by Xehanort, he had nothing to do with the Organization or this war. Xigbar was stuck in it, he made a deal, but he couldn’t allow Demyx to return. Not if he could help it. Demyx’s somebody was out there somewhere, probably happy.   
Xehanort couldn’t take that sliver of hope from Xigbar. 

Knocking the Keyblade aside, the pain was worth it. Even if it was an empty threat, Xehanort knows now that this is nothing to mess with. It was odd. Even with gloves on, the Keyblade was still able to damage him right through it. The glove had no trace of damage, but his palm was blotted and sore as if to prove his foolish action. 

The wound looked similar to the faded one across his face, but lighter and redder due to it being fresh. He felt the pulsing pain, but he didn’t want to waste the last potion he had on it. It would heal, just like his face did, no potion could fix the damage a Keyblade can do.  
He wrapped his hand back in the soft cotton bandages from earlier and laid back on his bed with a tired groan. 

His lower spine gave three satisfying pops as he began to unzip his cloak. It was an awkward task, since his hand, now wrapped, was practically useless. He pulled it off while still laying down, not getting the motivation to really sit back up again. His chest felt too heavy.   
He tossed it to the floor and decided to worry about picking it up later, along with the rest of his room. 

Despite the considerable downsize of the castle, Xigbar and other members were still able to find a room to at least place their personal belongings and wind down after missions. Xigbar, although he had never done it before, started to collect mildly useless things. Snow globes, baubles, and knickknacks alike all ended up in some corner of his room. Old and intricate inscent burners began to collect at the foot of his bed, from where he grew interest in them while part of his time was spent in the land of dragons. He hadn’t burned an inscent in any one of them. 

It wasn’t much, but it was privacy, a still well needed thing no matter who or what the creatures residing in this world was. 

Xigbar stared at the ceiling, Stark white and near blinding. He lifted his hand, the one that wasn’t bandaged, and reached for something that wasn’t there. 

Maybe I could just make my own, he thought, that’s how Lea must have done it.   
Lea was always adventurous as a kid. If he wanted something bad enough, there was no doubt he would continue to reach for it until it was in his grasp. Wither it was something as childish as sea salt ice cream, or the need to know what the apprentices were doing, he always found a way.  
Xigbar was almost certain that the second his heart was restored, he marched straight up to Yen Sid and demanded a keyblade at that very second. 

Xigbar laid there, reminiscing in times when Radiant Garden was peaceful. Untouched by darkness, before he willingly threw his entire life under the bus just to get a taste of real power.   
He continued to reach. Mimicking the way he saw the other wielders reach for theirs right before going into battle. He reached, waiting for something to fall into his palms for him to grab. He reached, and with a surprised breath, something materialized. He sighed as one of his common sharpshooter weapons was summoned instead, a disappointment, but expected. 

Xehanort still hadn’t blessed him with a keyblade rite, but he thought, and maybe, since part of Xehanort is in him, maybe he could summon it without his rite? It didn’t seem implausible. He would be tapping into Xehanort’s heart for this, but if it worked, Xehanort couldn’t stop it by then. 

He huffed, and casted away the gun. 

Lea could do it without a Keyblade wielder granting it to him, didn’t he? Why can’t I? 

Maybe it is because I am still considered a nobody?  
Bitterness swelled inside him.   
‘I didn’t sign up for this,’ he grunted to himself. It was a lie, of course. Braig agreed to everything Xehanort said with a grin and sacrificed his life multiple times for the cause.   
Why?  
Braig wanted to possess the power of a keyblade, but why.. he couldn’t remember why? It had to be important enough to his somebody if he was willing to lose his heart, to end up the right-hand man in this war to be. 

Lea seemed to remember a decent amount, but if that is an after effect of becoming a somebody again or he simply kept his memories a secret was hard to tell. But, Lea had called Saix and himself by their previous names.

It was difficult to remember his life before. His motives. 

He hardly remembers his name, but he always made sure to remind himself of it ever since he was able to recall it.   
Braig..  
Or was it Birag?

Shit, which one did Lea address him as? Was it Birag, and he was foolishly calling himself Braig unknowingly? Braig didn’t sound right, but Birag didn’t either!  
Xigbar pinched his brow in frustration in himself. He muttered the two names, trying to find out which was correct. He said it over and over, until they both sounded wrong. 

“Forget this!” He shouted in the silence. He felt Xehanort’s familiar presence press down over his heart, calming it. Deafening it, muting it. His eyes burned. 

“I just want to remember,” He muttered as the ache faded to a familiar numbness. Hands over his face, he scoffed at his own claim. 

“What a lie.”

He summoned and looked at his ArrowGun with disdain. His heart burned, but at least that numb feeling was more than just a dull thud in his chest.  
“What I really want,” he closed his eyes and whispered, “Is to see him again.”

Ting!

Xigbar jumped at the sound his weapon made and how it shifted in his hands. He grew wide eyed at the thing that replaced it in his hand.

It was the same size as his Arrowguns, if not a bit smaller. It had an extremely simple design compared to other Keyblades he had seen, with only four jagged spikes for teeth, that turned from purple to white, and as it went down to the hilt it turned from a deep purple to a red comparable to the scarf he had hanging up in the corner of his room. 

It was different, it was beautiful. 

Xigbar couldn’t look at it much longer before it disappeared as soon as it appeared. A stabbing pain then racked throughout his chest, and he hunched over and gripped over where his heart should be, where the pain was coming from.  
It became impossible to breathe, and it felt like he was sitting there for an eternity wheezing.

Xigbar doesn’t remember passing out, only waking up afterwards.

The aching in his chest was gone, but it still seemed to ache if he breathed in too deeply.   
He couldn’t summon it again.

_____________

“So, why didn’t you use a keyblade back during the first organization?”

Xemnas didn’t spare a glance as he continued to survey over Twilight Town. Heartless were still running rampant along the alleyways, but Sora was quick to invest his time in ridding each swarm they sent. 

“I couldn’t”

“Cut the bullshit,” Xigbar quipped, “Roxas was able to wield it because of him being Sora’s nobody right? So why can’t you?” 

Xemnas gave a slow blink, the only true indication that he was listening. Sometimes, Xigbar wondered if he and Larxene were the only ones left with at least some remains of their personality intact. Xemnas and the others were so distant, except for Saix, but that was a different scenario. 

“I cannot give you an answer to something I am unsure of myself, but I have a feeling it has to do with me lacking a heart. Ventus was a part of Roxas, and it was only due to that, Roxas is able to wield a keyblade.” 

“So, it’s really just a means of having a worthy heart?” Xigbar asked. He felt his hopes fall. Maybe he just wasn’t worthy. 

He nodded, “And how whole your heart is. I believe Xehanort’s powers are slipping. The more he dispersed his heart, the weaker it is becoming. Since Vexen, I see it take longer for him to summon it. I began to ponder if I could summon it with a piece of his heart, but when I did, I only felt immense pain.” 

“You think it has something to do with his heart?” Xigbar pressed, “Maybe the keyblade is realizing that his heart is corrupt. What if he falls through the seams of his own devastation before the keyblade war?” 

Xemnas gave a side glare, and Xigbar knew to shut up. 

Maybe with part of his heart within each of us he thought, it’s not going to do that. Is part of him preventing me from being able to summon it properly?

Xigbar continued to watch the heartless and watched as Sora came gliding through the alleys. They quickly ducked, barely missing his gaze. 

“Is he, is he riding those heartless??” Xigbar whispered to his partner. 

“It appears Olympus has trained him very well. Let’s go before this becomes more than a checkup.”   
“No shit.” 

————

“May my heart be my guiding key,” Xigbar mumbled. Xehanort, the younger one, flinched and turned quickly to the taller man.  
“Where did you hear that?” He asked, but it was a demand underneath his quiet demeanor.  
“Sora proclaims it, along with a few other of the brats. Even axel shouted it once.  
Why? Something important about it?”

Xehanort paused, then quickly shook his head. Ridding whatever thought seemed to startle him.   
“It is an old saying, even older in this time. It is surprising to know it still exists here, when keyblade wielders seem scarcer than before.” 

“It some kind of motto?” Xigbar pressed. The young man hardly ever talked, he was only there to supervise, to experience a keyblade war for his own eyes. Xehanort’s true intentions. Hearing the boy do more than supervise was a rarity. 

“In a way, the keyblade is deeply tied to its user’s heart. The way it looks, feels, works, everything that makes it a certain person’s keyblade is up to their heart. A complicated keyblade is a conflicted wielder. Like Ventus and his counterpart.”

“And of Sora?

“Sora has developed a new power, to transform his keyblade into many different kinds of weapons. A sledgehammer, a shooter, he is a man of many trades. Sora is a boy with many connections. He is very in tune with his power.”

“So heart being your guiding a key is to remind yourself of this?”

“To utter that mantra is to help a user remind themselves that their keyblade and their heart is one in the same thing. If you deny your heart, you lose the power of your keyblade. If you follow what you love, your passion, your keyblade will always come to your aid.”

Xigbar nodded, and watched the twilight town sun slowly dip down behind the towers.

“And.. what if you aren’t?”

Xehanort turned, and Xigbar almost flinched. The question was a jump, and he expected some sort of repercussion, but the boy only tilted his head to the side.

“What do you mean?”

“Like,” He stuttered, “You lose your way. You follow the wrong path, maybe because you thought it was right, or you thought it was your only choice. Going where your heart does not lie, can that affect your keyblade?”

Xehanort hummed in amusement and rubbed his cheek in thought.   
“I’ve never heard of such a thing, but I wouldn’t see why not. It makes sense. If you are the most powerful following your heart, then you could be at your weakest when you do not.”

Xigbar mulled over this but did not ask any more questions. This young Xehanort is one of the only members he tends to avoid. Meddling with time travel never ends easily, and Xigbar doesn’t want to be caught in whatever might end up happening.

Lea and Kairi were coming in closer as they chased down a large heartless, and Xigbar pulled over his hood. There was no need to show his face to them yet. Xehanort didn’t bother with his and continued to watch as they fought the now cornered heartless.

“The girl, she is a princess of heart.”

“Will that stop her from becoming one of the seekers of light?”

“I wouldn’t be sure, but if she can wield a keyblade, I do not see why not.”

Xigbar watched as Kairi fought quickly and efficiently. Her attacks were light and were only distractions to keep the heartless trained on her before landing a powerful light spell directly into its face.

“Her affinity in the light will definitely make her an interesting asset in the battle. Although, did you not say that the other one carried a keyblade as well?”

Xigbar looked at Lea, and sure enough, he was only wielding his chakrams. 

“Odd, maybe he is still learning how to use it, he was never properly rited to one,” Xigbar noted. 

“I believe it has more to do with him previously being a nobody, He still prefers to wear the Organization's cloak.”

“Think he’ll turn into a seeker?” 

“If he does, I will be quite impressed, and begin to lower my expectations for worthy opponents. He seems careless, and when he is not, he is reckless.” 

“Harsh,” Xigbar scoffed, but agreed all the same.

But, Axel was well known for his surprises.   
The heartless fell not long after, the new apprentices heaving to catch their breath. They grinned at each other in pride, and Xigbar opened another Corridor after hearing them congratulate each other.  
“We have the info we need, let’s go.” 

Xehanort nodded but continued to linger on kairi. 

Xigbar stares through his hood, the scowl well hidden in shadows of his cloak.  
Something about the younger incarnation of Xehanort is always off putting. He works slowly, as if everything takes great effort. Xigbar feels it might do with the time travel, but he couldn’t be sure. But the way he eyed kairi, he was pondering something.

“Hey! Poindexter! Let’s go.” 

Xehanort followed and Xigbar refused to spare a glance back to his former comrade. 

Later that night, when his current missions of watching over the slow building of the seekers of light were scarce, he held his breath and summoned the keyblade from before. His hand reached in from of him as he sat on his bed, grabbing for something that was going to be there.   
“May my heart be my guiding key,” He muttered.   
He closed his eyes, thinking about what he truly wanted. He wanted this war to be done and over with. He wanted a keyblade. Even though he has been through hell and back for it, he wouldn’t not want it now.   
But. Xigbar thinks of Demyx. How all of the pain and suffering was worth it, if It meant knowing the nocturne. If it meant seeing him be safe, Xigbar would throw away this keyblade and allow himself to be striked down with one blow..  
But he would much rather use the keyblade, to master its power. To see Demyx again. 

A flash of light, and a stabbing pain in his chest.   
Xigbar tried to ignore the pain, using his free hand to clench his chest. He held his breath as well as he could because that seemed to suppress it somewhat. 

“May my heart,” he mumbled, “be my guiding key.” 

He held it out, mimicking Sora as he encountered keyholes or seemed in a personal search for guidance. 

“Be my guiding key,” he rasped under his breath. He was ready to cast the thing away, just so he could breathe again.  
Xigbar wasn’t expecting anything to happen really, only practicing reaching out for the damn thing, so when a door of light flashed from the translucent keyblade, he nearly choked on the air he was desperately trying to breathe in. A door of pure light appeared in front of him. He had to squint to allow his eyes to adjust to it  
“What?”

A portal, like the corridor of darkness, but quite the opposite. It was much less menacing than the portals he used normally.   
“Is this?”   
He peered inside but could hardly see anything other than a vast blue ocean if he squinted hard enough. When his eyes adjusted, he peered though, and examined without walking through. It was breathtaking, and if Xigbar was not wheezing he would have been then. The sand as white as paper, and water so blue it seemed to mirror the light blue sky above it. The portal was also well above land, which allowed Xigbar to see a long distance, it seemed they were nearly a mile or more up, but he couldn’t tell for sure. 

The world was unfamiliar, maybe the upper lands of Atlantica, but Xigbar did not see any kingdom resembling where Ariel resided now. 

Nothing but water and sand, and a small village in the distance. 

The portal was fading, and Xigbar would have jumped in the portal willingly, curiosity was a weakness to all men.  
The keyblade, on the other hand, flung itself- along with Xigbar- into the portal before he could brace himself. 

He shouted but the persistent pain in his chest wouldn’t allow enough air to fill his lungs to make any noise louder than a strained shout. The water was coming in fast, and Xigbar couldn’t reorient himself enough to catch himself before hitting the water. 

The salt water engulfed him, and he wondered if it would have been better if he landed on the harsh sand instead. The ocean was beautiful from above, but now it was relentless and engulfed him and his already sore lungs before he could even catch his breath. If he managed to breach for air, another wave dragged him back under.   
My keyblade is murdering me, Xehanort knows. was his last thought as he fell into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this Chapter is the one where I just ran out of motivation for this.   
> I think it was shortly after Demyx was confirmed Norted too, so I was trying to incorporate that into it, and just lost ideas.   
> Anyways up to here is where maximum effort was, the rest is more than likely going to be less interesting haha.


	3. Pirates falling from the sky is a parculiar thing

There was no acknowledgement of how his throat burned, or how his lungs were nothing but causing him great pain. There was no reconciliation about how beautiful and blue the water was, only that that water was killing him.  
Xigbar was in a blind panic, trying to feel air on his face before losing his vision, until everything went black.  
He doesn’t feel anything grab his arm, or anyone dragging him to the shore at an awkward angle, he can’t even remember if any for of resuscitation was done to him.  
He was sure he coughed and gagged massive amounts of water. His throat burned as bad as his lungs and chest.  
Instead, he was only concentrating on breathing, each inhale followed an exhale of painful relief. Obeying a soft voice that reminded him to inhale after exhaling.  
‘I know how to breathe,’ He would have snapped, but it seemed he may have forgotten how to both breathe and speak at the same time, because he ended up coughing more water.

“Easy, easy. There is more water in your lungs. Your body is just forcing it out.” Xigbar groaned. He opened his eyes, but they burned from the salt water. He was looking through tears that made his vision blurry. The one speaking to him was no more than a blob of Blonde hair, and what looked to be hazel eyes with tan skin crinkled up in a smile.  
“Who,” He spoke slowly, he could hardly say more without being sure another coughing fit would ensue.  
“Well, your savior no doubt!” a very familiar tone rang. 

Xigbar lets out a low groan and pulled himself up. A hand pressed against his back as his chest heaved more water, softly rubbing circles as he patted down his spine. 

He remembers summoning a keyblade, and excruciating pain. He remembers thinking about Demyx, and then plummeting into the water. Slowly, the memory flooded back, and before he could turn, the voice asked, 

“Can you stand up? Don’t force yourself to. Here, drink some water.” Demyx said as Xigbar quickly turned. A water bottle was held by a tan hand, and tanner arms and bare torso Xigbar scowled at the bottle. After coughing up so much water, he doesn’t like the idea of drinking any now. Still, he took it, it was cold in his palms and reliving down his throat. He gave the very much empty bottle back, and gave a proper look at the man who was rambling to him about how lucky he was.

The man’s hair was matted down and soaking wet, but Xigbar recognized that mullet, that face, those eyes instantly. 

“Demyx?” He took in the entirety of the person before him. It was Demyx. There was no doubt. No black cloak weighing him down, a bright and awkward grin split across his face, showing slightly crooked teeth as he spoke.

 

“I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.” The blonde rubbed at the back of his neck, “It’s been a while, huh Xig-“ He nearly yelped in surprised as the man near leapt to grab at his hand.  
“I’m sorry. All that I said before. I’m sorry.”  
Demyx watched as Xigbar stared down, apologizing profusely, stunned and an awkward smile stretched over his face as tears slid down hollow cheeks.  
“Xigbar,” He sighed as the man finally calmed down, “Xig, you said what you needed to. What you thought would keep me safe, and yourself as well.”

“So much help that did,” He scoffed. 

He remembers sending off demyx before. Lying and saying there was no feelings in either of them. He knew it wasn’t true, but filling demyx with false hope of them being together once their hearts were to be restored seemed merciless. 

Demyx didn’t respond to that, instead.  
“My name is Myde now.”

“You’re?”

“Yeah, heart n’ all. Are you still..”

A nobody? No, not really. Something worse now. 

He softly nodded and gave Myde another look. No more fake smiles echoing an emotion he no longer had. Myde was beautiful. Even as he watched that smile turn into such a disappointed frown. The dread lingering in the other’s eyes was obvious. And questions left unsaid rushed through both of their minds. Myde wondering if there was a way to still love someone with artificial emotions, Xigbar..

 

How easily can he default back into the cold and emotionless husk of a man that Xehanort forces his heart into. How he wasn’t necessarily a Nobody, but it would be easier to call it that than explain how the heart within him isn’t his, and how his emotions are controlled and suppressed by another force. 

“How did you find me?”

Xigbar remembered the keyblade, and falling. “I…” he stared, and attempted to summon the keyblade again. To his surprise, it did. Only for a quick second, but Myde must have seen it, because he leapt back. 

“A keyblade!” he was trying to smile, but Xigbar noted the terror in his voice. He easily casted the thing away. It was not like he could make it truly materialize anyways. 

“So,” Myde spoke, “You got what you wanted then,” He smiled, “A keyblade to protect Radiant Garden.”

Was that what he wanted it for? He had nearly forgotten. It seemed late for that now.. The place was under repairs of the wreckage he partially caused. 

“It is what Braig wanted,” He muttered.

 

“Who else is still in the organization?”

“Marluxia and Larxene, Luxlord… Vexen returned, but he refuses to be acknowledged as that. He is Even.”

“So, he’s human.”

“Yes, but I guess part of Xehanort was still impeded in his heart. From the sound of it, it was like his heart dragged him back to the Organization.”

Myde felt his chest over his heart, wondering if the same might happen to him. He doesn’t remember becoming part of Xehanort, it seemed more like a slow possession. They watched the ocean side instead of discussing it. Xigbar trying to concentrate on breathing and drinking the water offered. 

“I need to leave soon,” Xigbar eventually sighed as the moon slowly replaced the sun. Myde almost instantly jumped up at this, he was learned against Xigbar’s shoulder.  
“You just got here!”

“Duty calls,” He smiled, “I’ve got a war to conduct. I’ll be back soon.”

“Xigbar.”

Xigbar turned at this, noting how Myde stood with his hand over his heart.

“That Pull Even felt.. I think I feel it too.. do you think-“

“No.”

“But-“

“Absolutely not. If it is, you don’t dare go to Xehanort,” Xigbar snapped, “Whatever you feel, whatever urge you think you feel. Don’t go.”

“Think I feel? News for you, I know what I feel. Unlike you.”

Myde watched Xigbar leave into a Dark corridor and looked down at the sand beneath his toes. 

Whatever Even felt, that pull, Myde feels it too. It is only a matter of time before he finds himself back there as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of my writing muse for this story. I wish I could finish it, but I just cant force myself to. I finished it the best way I could, and although I do consider it 'finished' I did have a lot more planned. 
> 
> The last chapter will be excerpts I had in mind for this, in case you were more curious about it, or just want to read into it more.


	4. Excerpts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that these are not in any order, and are just bits and pieces of ideas I had for this fic. 
> 
> If anyone wants to build on these, please do, I don't see myself going any farther than already have. If you do happen to build on any of it, I would love to see you show me!

He wondered if you have to form a bond with your Keyblade a to make them trust you. Xigbar would believe it, since Space Flinger seems to enjoy slinging him around wherever he asks for it to go.  
He lands head first into the wet sand on the same secluded beach it brought him to before. Salt water washed away the blood and made Xigbar notice how much blood loss he had now that it was no longer on black clothing,  
It was a lot.  
He spat a near mouthful of sand and pulled himself up to his feet.  
Maybe the keyblade just works as well as you can function yourself, he thought as he stumbled around in hopes that someone might help.

He didn’t exactly feel any pain, both a boon and a bane on Xehanort’s part, but he knew his body was unable to do certain things in theirs state,

Like walk more than five feet without falling.

 

Xigbar froze at those words, whispered in his ears once before. Words he returned in bitterness and hate to save his own ass long ago.  
He held his breath, and as he tensed, he felt Myde slowly begin to tense as well. But the younger of the two relaxed shortly after.

He sounded defeated as he broke the silence with another whisper “Don’t say it if you don’t mean it, I just want you to know. My feelings were true then, just as they are now. You mean everything to me.”

“You’re putting me on a pedestal here kiddo,” he snatched the chance to change the subject.  
Myde only hummed contentedly. Xigbar felt a soft kiss on his shoulder.  
“You’re only everything I’ve ever dreamed,” he mused, “If I later regret it, I’ll regret it then. Until then, I love you.”

Xigbar looked down at Myde with worry. It was a selfish thing to do. Keeping this ray of satisfaction to himself, allowing another distraction to crawl its way into the part of his heart. The part that he feels may be Xehanort’s possession over it screams foolishness and leaves a knot in his stomach.

But a smaller part, one Xigbar quietly hopes is his own heart and not Xehanort’s influence, whispers nothing but comfort and happiness as he watches Myde fall back into a quiet sleep.

Xigbar looked back to the ceiling, pulling the smaller body closer to his side.  
I can’t love him too, he will only be taken away from me if Xehanort finds out.  
He was well past that.

 

___________________________________________

“Please don’t leave”

Xigbar ached in only the way a heart could make him.  
“I can’t stay, if I do he will only come again.”  
“Xig-“  
“Myde please,” he grabbed his shoulders, keeping him distant so he couldn’t pull Xigbar into a desperate hold to, “Please don’t make this harder than it already is.”

“You lost me once, you’re really that willing to let me go again? Over a keyblade? Some silly war you don’t even want to be apart of!”

“I don’t give a shit about that anymore!” He growled. “But I’ve signed a contract with my heart, and if I keep coming here he will just be sure to obliterate you, I’m not letting that happen.”

Myde looked down at the sand between his toes. He was frustrated, angry, and filled with grief.

“What about when the war is over? Defeat Sora and fulfill Xehanort’s plans! Then he will know your loyalty, right? Finish this war and come back! I don’t care who wins, just come back to me.”

“I think if Xehanort wins, there will be nothing left in the worlds to come back to. In case your forgot, I’m on the side where everything turns to shit, and as long as I have part of Xehanort’s heart, I will be. Maybe in another life, this could have worked.”

Xigbar gave in, pulling Myde into a tight hug, one he never truly allowed himself to give Demyx. Out of fear that the closer they got, the worse the outcome,  
This was the worse outcome.  
Myde mumbles under his breath into Xehanort’s neck,  
“I don’t want to think about different lives in different circumstances. I want you in this one. With me.”

Xigbar didn’t respond, he couldn’t. So he pulled away, leaving a firm kiss on Mydes forehead,  
“I need to go,”

It’s a shame, what he said next, because not only did it break his heart saying it for the first and most definitely the last time, it made Myde’s shatter  
“I love you too.”

 

_________________________________________________________________  
It was two years later after Xigbar left. Two years until he saw anyone familiar to him again.  
When an unknowing knock on the door stirred him from fiddling with his guitar, he couldn’t help that hope that, maybe it was Xigbar. That the old coot let Xigbar go, and he came straight back to him.

When he opened the door to long silver hair, muddled from what must’ve been a long battle, but blue eyes bright as the ocean itself, his heart dropped.

“Riku, right?”  
The silverette nodded and asked to come in. Myde held the door open.

“The battle for the X-blade is finished. Xehanort is no more.”  
“And Xigbar?” Because that’s all he could care about in that moment.

“With part of Xehanort’s heart in him, there was no way we could have spared him without Xehanort coming back.”

He felt like a wife waiting for her husband waiting to come home from a war, and he was waiting to drop to his knees and grieve. He did, when Riku whispered  
“I’m sorry,” and placed a familiar eyepatch into his waiting palms

 

(This was an alternate idea where Myde did not remember himself as Demyx, and Xigbar, despite bbeing heartbroken over this, found happiness in seeing him again.)

 

“What’s your name?”

It was selfish, him asking that. Something to hold on to. Demyx was gone, but not his existence. Xigbar knew he should get the hell out of there. Demyx had a second chance at life, doing what he must love if the guitar said anything. 

“Its Myde,” He said it with a soft, welcoming smile before leaving wherever his life led him now.

Xigbar looked down, repeating the name with a smile.

_______________________________

 

The darkness was becoming suffocating. Xigbar couldn’t keep doing this, despite Xehanort’s commands. The seekers of light had the upper hand, and had come too close to picking off one of Xehanort’s puppets. They were dispersed, hiding while awaiting Xehanort’s command.

The dark corridors was the least likely place to hide, but more practical than what The younger Xehanort did and simply jump back into his timeline. It was much more bearing.  
Xigbar sighed and clutched at his side, those keyblade transformations Sora learned were no joke.  
He looked down, to see blood darken his already black cloak. Great, he thought.

The Corridors May be a perfect spot to cower and hide, but not to rest and heal. No places he could go wouldn’t draw attention to the seekers of light,  
Except one.  
Xigbar made a vain attempt to wipe the blood off of his hand, and tried to resummon the keyblade before.

His wrist ached. He was about to call it quits before the small thing from before flashed in his palms in a dance of black and purple aura.  
He grinned, and held the keyblade in front of him.  
“Take me to Lost and Found Shores.”

The keyblade jerked in his hands, and Xigbar wondered if he said something wrong before it hurled both him and itself into a portal of light.

Maybe Space Flinger is a proper name for it.

 

Notes: This follows the idea that nobodies can regrow a heart over time. Xigbar, Luxlord, and other Nobodies that might have grown a heart, has it oppressed and possessed by Xehanort, who can use them in whatever he needs. Which is mostly using them as bait or a threat to keep them from straying. I plan to finish before KH3 comes out, so look forward to updates and a complete story by January.  
OUTLINE

Part one consists of the current states of the Organization 13 and the seekers of light. Xigbar is the second in command, and he, along with the other seekers of darkness makes check ins on the progress of their search of more keyblade wielders while Xehanort makes plans. Plans, Plans, Plans...  
Despite Braig deciding to willingly give up himself to Xehanort for the intentions of a keyblade, Xigbar seems somewhat resistant. Maybe it is the Fact that Xehanort has yet to give Xigbar a keyblade. 

\---------------------------

 

He looked at said, and instantly noticed the cold golden eyes turned into a pale blue.  
“Braig,” he said, his voice as  
Cold as it was before. “I can’t keep doing this.”  
His voice was stern and heartless, and if anyone didn’t hear what he was saying, none would know his heart was breaking as he spoke.  
“I can’t keep going at his throat. I can’t not hold back. I can’t pretend to hate him, he was.. is like my brother.”  
Xigbar looked down at Saix, and felt an overwhelming feeling that screamed how much saix was in the same boat as he was. When saix looked back at him, blue eyes now clouded with tears and tinting gold once more; “I know you feel the same, we want to stop. we need to stop”  
Xigbar felt a painful tug at his own heart as he turned away.  
“We can’t.” 

Saix was still young, and his heart that was being possessed by Xehanort’s own said as much. He had a hope that they could get away from their fates. He wanted nothing more to tear himself from what he foolishly agreed to out of jealousy and spite. 

“There has to be a way!” Saix demanded, desperation filling his voice. There was a strain in it, the switch back to Xehanort would be soon.  
“Kid, if there was, I would have already done it and tore the old man a new one myself. But I know what would happen. And you’d be smart to just deal with it if you ever have hopes to keep your heart, along with seeing the redhead again.”  
“Because the next time you get in the way of his plans,” Xigbar turned, and the gray blue eyes were almost golden once more, fear taking over Saix.  
“Then I will be forced to destroy your heart, and make you forget what Lea even was to you.” 

There was silence, but Xigbar heard Saix straighten up, his proper facade back in place.  
“Understood,” the man said quietly, hardly loud enough for Xigbar to hear.


End file.
